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Today has been one of the most horrible days in my life, why can't someone just be happy, I am soo mad today for not being the woman I used to be before I was on this ttc journey. One changes sooo much, your whole attitude towards yourself and other people as well. Something I'm not fimiliar with but soon became my life.
Tension between me and hubby is also because of that, my jealousy towards my friends are also because of that. I just want to wake up from this nightmare, be the woman I used to be, love people for what they are, not what they have or accomplished..... or made from their lives.
Life is unfair and as soon as I make peace with that, maybe God will then give a miracle for me and hubby, He will definately do so... I know it, deep down in my heart, at this stage it's just so difficult to believe in that.
When is this tables going to turn, when will our time come, financial, marraige, family, religious.. hope it's soon, I want to turn into a good, better person, but still there is the one thing keeping me from doing that, and that is the problem, I can't figure out what.
Please God, tell me what is going on, please take my sorrows, my pain, my longing and hold it in your heart, tell me what to do, I need you now more than ever!!!!! This person is starting to turn into someone bad, and I don't like it to...... I want to be happy for others, join in their joy, just onces, LET ME BE!!!
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A quote I received today that might help:
You are beginning to emerge into a new level of experience and, at the same time, you will be aware that your are being suddenly and strangely distanced from the past. This will be a very short time of transition, but you will need to keep moving forward regardless of how awkward or difficult it seems. Take one day at a time and one step at a time until you achieve a place of confidence and comfort. Know that I will guide you in these unknown places, says the Lord.
Psalms 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.
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