My POA

Oh well, got the date, the 18th of December 2008, the time, at 7, at the hospital, hopefully my operation will go well!

Laparoscopy... I'm ready, bring it on!! Can't wait for the results, weird? Jip, but luckily I know then what is wrong with me and how we can fix it, and which procedures to follow!

Will keep you updated.... hopefully 2009 is going to be my year!
x

My heart is pounding...

Well, apart from being super ready for my Lap one of these days, I feel super!

A part of me wants AF to come to have that Lap done, but the other part wants me to have that BFP!!! I'm today one day apart from testing, but HOPING and PRAYING for serious good news... think I won't be that surprised if AF comes, but still be dissappointed...

Will keep u updated!
xx

Life is sooo cruel sometimes

I'm writing this for a reason... some of you may not now but 5 years ago, before I got 21, my father was killed in a car accident. (He was 49) That was the MOST horrible time of my life, thought I would never get through it and miss him SOO much still every day. Aren't totally fine with it today, but guess God had other bigger plans for him. He didn't even got the chance to be at my wedding, luckily he met Lucas before, seen him a few times and he loved him. He was everything to me, a good father, I am the smallest of the 3 daughters so I was my daddies blue eyed girl (letterlik en figuurlik). Sometimes I miss his calls, I miss his blue eyes and his laughter... and to lost him so suddenly was a big shock.. I will ALWAYS love him and remember him. Even when I close my eyes I can see him, hear him.. what a wonderful father!!!!

Then... 4 years later, I got the sad news, my mom was also killed in a car accident (weird) how both of them were taken away and so suddenly your whole world change, you attitude towards life change, yourself, everything. My mom was at my wedding, GREAT woman, loved her to bits.. and still do! Sometimes when we all got together, we couldn't stop talking for hours... till LATE in the night. Miss her sooo much, was also always there and inspiring me and comfort me through this ttc journey. Miss that also, miss her phonecalls, her green eyes and loving heart. Miss everything about her for being my mommy!

I will always remember them, the BEST parents ever, they were both like my brother and sister, could tell them anything at anytime.. they always listened and gave me some hope! Today, I don't have that comfort and that caring for (yes, I LOVE my in-laws but surely you'll understand it's not the same... wish they were here, today, every day!!!!!

People get killed, die of cancer, other illnesses and still we don't know when our time will be, tomorrow, next week, next year.

DEAR GOD, please keep us safe, please keep us in your heart, please protect us wherever we go, whatever we do, please guide us in the right direction. Keep us safe, put angels around us, protect us please, we would LOVE to be such GREAT parents as our parents was.. and that only You and give us... I thank U Lord!!!!! Amen

My all our wishes come true and may we receive that blessing in life that everybodies getting, a chance to be a parent!!!

xxxx

Not a good day today...

Today has been one of the most horrible days in my life, why can't someone just be happy, I am soo mad today for not being the woman I used to be before I was on this ttc journey. One changes sooo much, your whole attitude towards yourself and other people as well. Something I'm not fimiliar with but soon became my life.

Tension between me and hubby is also because of that, my jealousy towards my friends are also because of that. I just want to wake up from this nightmare, be the woman I used to be, love people for what they are, not what they have or accomplished..... or made from their lives.

Life is unfair and as soon as I make peace with that, maybe God will then give a miracle for me and hubby, He will definately do so... I know it, deep down in my heart, at this stage it's just so difficult to believe in that.

When is this tables going to turn, when will our time come, financial, marraige, family, religious.. hope it's soon, I want to turn into a good, better person, but still there is the one thing keeping me from doing that, and that is the problem, I can't figure out what.

Please God, tell me what is going on, please take my sorrows, my pain, my longing and hold it in your heart, tell me what to do, I need you now more than ever!!!!! This person is starting to turn into someone bad, and I don't like it to...... I want to be happy for others, join in their joy, just onces, LET ME BE!!!

Rather be average and happy than be rich and unhappy!

Sjoe, what a week it has been. Firstly the horse expedition on the farm, luckily after 2 hours and 10 minutes they got the little one out and mommy and baby are doing just fine.

My topic, "rather be average and happy than be rich and unhappy" is just what it means. Sorry to say that we know a lot of couples going through this stage, marraige, infertility, babies, and then the fighting starts. Why can't they just chill, remember that what they have is precious and God gave that to them for a reason, not to fight and be unhappy, but money makes the heart grow funder they say! Such a true saying... why do we always need something like money, of course, to survive but is it worth it at the end, is all this fighting and moaning and unhappiness worth it? My opinion, I don't know, and I don't think so. I don't want to say too much about this, but all I know is luckily me and hubby is just your average Joe's and happy as ever!! One day we will all be happy, with or without the money factor.....